elf sex: 3 to 12 effeminate twinks coo and giggle in a sensual pile in the woods. sometimes the elf queen joins and pretends they’re her baby birds
dwarf sex: a pair of strong able bodied warriors tacitly agree to mate as equals under a binding contract of tomelike thickness, with consent from the council
gnome sex: married couple of 200 years finally gives in to temptation and call upon the stork to deliver their child, then sleep in separate beds completely satisfied
elon musk had a third child with grimes that he kept secret until the release of his biography. he named it techno mechanicus
can you imagine being an adult nepo baby at a company your rich dad invested in and having to walk into the boardroom first day like. hi everyone. my name is techno mechanicus
I can tell this is fake because “techno mechanicus” doesn’t start with X
What the fuck is up with borzoi by the way, those fuckers are never just doing dog sit. Those things don’t play fetch or bark at the postman they’re always looming or being foreboding or predicting the exact date of your death or some shit
I had borzois for 16 years and it’s like owning a pale, scrawny Victorian british child who suffered from a wasting disease as a boy. He was beaten severely throughout his youth for expressing excitement, so he’s always nervous and needs reassuring around basically everyone, but his meak constitution prevents him from running around the house. Every once in a while you take him to a big field of flowers and he runs like a real boy for just a few minutes before other ghastly children appear over the hill and he hides behind your skirt again. You ask him if he wants to play with the other children and he screws his eyes shut and shakes his head.
Later that night you give him a digestible meal of boiled potatoes and soft aspic. He eats without complaint and then goes to his room to fetch his soft toys to play with. He sits on his knees, waddling them across the floor, not speaking nor betraying any emotion on his face. He takes a bedtime bath without complaint and washes behind his ears. He changes into his nighttime clothes and when you tuck him in and kiss his forehead goodnight, you can hear, so faintly, the rasping in his lungs that betrays that he shan’t see his twentieth year
Fun fact: Samus’ zero suit is a bodysuit in more recent games instead of the tank-top she wore in older games because at this point, she’s been spliced with so many species’ DNA you really don’t want to see what the rest of her skin looks like.
ALT
